My life is begining to get back on track at this point. I have passed my boards and will be starting back to work tom. night! yaya you have no idea how good this feels to me! Not to mention my boy situation...while certainly not back to normal by any means...but we are talking again and there is a little possibility of working it all out. Either way...the biggest part is that I passed my boards. hehe.

As far as eating and working out...obviously I'm back for a reason hehe. I am currently about 118 and my goal weight...while no far off is still going to take some work. My goal is 113 pounds. The problem  is I want the 6 pack and toned body that I used to have along with it!

Intake so far today has not been that great. I started off well with a 100 calorie english muffin with spray butter and jelly. The problem came when I didn't know what to eat for lunch. I waited till Iw as absolutely starving and then I just pounded what was left of the tostito chips and cheese dip....eww. That is where I really need to control myself I need to not eat junk like that....I am saying right now that I am swearing off chips for the next month! Maybe that will teach me that I can't get out of control like that. I am going to start this off by saying that I am not going to count calories...but I am going to record everything I eat and make sure that I am making extremely healthy choices. Lots of salads and lean protein. So this is my goal.

I go back to work tom. night and I will be working nights for the rest of this month so I am going to have to work extra hard to try to fit in healthy meals and workouts. I am always more tired when I work at night and I know it will really challenge me to be healthy.

Please comment I really can always use support to keep myself going...and I will comment back and support you too!

I feel like no on really reads this any more...it is so weird being on here for so long and seeing people come and go and actually coming and going myself. In case you don't know me...I have been using xanga for about 4 years now and at one point lost a significant amoutn of weight. While I have gained a little back I am still doing pretty well...the last couple of years have been pretty good for me, but I am in a major rut right now and I am turning back to xanga for the support that I know I will get!

Quick update...graduated college, started new job, didn't pass my boards the first time, studying to pass this time, boyfriend of 2 and half years and I broke up...and nothing is in my control at the moment. I eat horrible and do not workout hardly ever...the six pack I once had is long gone and the toned legs went with them. I have to take control of this now.

Intake today:

breakfast: 100 calorie english muffin with peanut butter and jelly on it

lunch: con queso dip with tortilla chips, and part of a grilled chicken salad.

Dinner: leftover grilled chicken salad.

going to go for a run in a few minutes for the first time in a while...wish me luck!

I may be in the midst of one of the craziest, most stressful times of my life up to this point. I am typically a really calm person and I have so many life changing events going on in my life right now that I am losing it. I really am not sure if I can pull it together. I am really embaressed to tell some of the stories that are going on in my life right now but I feel like that is the only way that I am going to get any relief from these situations.

To begin with, I graduated nursing school in may and started my new job. I absolutely loved it! When you first graduate you work with a temporary license until you pass your boards. Well I did awesome in nursing school but I somehow blew it on boards. If anyone knows how the board works you will know when I say that I got all 265 questions that I hung in until the end but I didn't make it. So therefore I am not going to be able to work until I take them again which will be 45 day from July 2nd. This may have been one of the most devistating things that has ever happened to me. I really knew my shit I just blew it with nerves. To make it worse my boyfriend graduated nursing school at the same time and he passed his...so I really can't even celebrate with him.

Now to add to the stress my sister is getting married in a week and half and I am the maid of honor. There are so  many things that I need to be doing for her that I can't even think about right now.

Also my boyfriend and I are struggling, I feel like I am on a complet back  burner to him and I am not sure what to do about it because I have talked and talked with him and he is just not getting it. So I am at a stand still with that too...when I am really needing his support right now.

So I have decided to do what any girl seems to do...take control of my life with my weight lol. But not in a bad way...I have totally let myslef go. I don't workout, I don't eat well...I am anxious and crazy and depressed because I have no routine in my exercise which is typically what keeps me halfway normal. So i am here...and I NEED support and love because I am feeling very lonely and hopeless.

My plan for tom. is to RUN like the wind I will take a 3 mile run to get myself started. I will eat healthy all day tom. Start the day with a bowl of cheerios, eat a salad for lunch, and then have some fish for dinner with green beans.

I NEED CONTROL! I am worthless as I am.